I’ve been told, more than once, that I’m a very patient person. I used to think I was patient, not very patient. Maybe I still am. I’ve had to reevaluate myself in that department of late. Here’s what I’ve decided.
I am patient. When I have to be. With others. Especially at school, working with my students. I have all of the patience in the world for them. Unfortunately, my patience runs at about 50% with my own kids. I’m working on that.
It’s due to a lot of reasons, I think. The doctor we saw the other day reminded me of something I’ve been told many times over the years. You need to be “just mom.” Now, don’t take offense to that as here is what he means. For parents of those with special needs, we often fall into so many other categories, many I have referenced before. I have also acknowledged it’s the case of all parents. The difference is, we can’t always reason things out with our children. We easily slide out of the parent role into the role of a caregiver, a behavior management specialist, etc. A lot of the stress for many of us is always being on guard as to how others will react to our children. Will they even try to understand their special abilities? I have gotten to the point where I don’t even hear a lot of what the girl says, or how she says it. I pick my battles carefully. But, I am often reminded of issues when others are around and these behaviors bother them. For example, the girl will say mom repeatedly. It begins to sound like a chant; mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom. It used to drive me completely bonkers, now, on occasion, is can be a minor irritation and sometimes, I don’t even hear it. At any rate, I’m working on being more patient with my kids.
Here’s where I fall very short in the patience department: Waiting for agencies to do their jobs in a timely fashion! Waiting for a phone call. If you tell me you are going to call, please call. Responses to texts or emails. I can’t always reply promptly but I will get to it in the same day I receive it. Silence. This is a huge one for me. If you are upset, please tell me, don’t go silent on me. It drives me mad. OK. I maybe shouldn’t share that as you all now know how to torture me! ha!
If I am honest, and I do try to be, most of my impatience is with myself. It’s a long list so I won’t share it all with you. I’m trying to learn but some lessons just take so darn long. And that makes me impatient. It gets to be a vicious circle. My impatience can really irritate. And while that doesn’t make me more impatient, it can make me anxious.
So, today, as in most days of late, I sit and wait. Wait for news on the boy. Wait for the girl to arrive home. Wait to hear about her day. Wait for the phone calls I’m expecting and the responses to email I’ve sent. Waiting. It’s not for the faint of heart either.